Mr. Green, when I met you in January of last year, on the Raleigh stop of the Tour de Nerdfighting, I was very nervous and stuttered through all my words, managing to tell you I created the Swoodilypoopers Facebook page, but forgot to shake your hand or tell you my name was Augustus, which I thought you might have found cool. But now I have more to tell you.
Last April, you posted a video entitled “Thoughts on Romance and Sex in an Airport,” and in that video, you said “use your words” many times to emphasize honesty and straightforwardness. At the time, I thought it was rather funny, but fast forward to next school year, and all of a sudden I notice that I really, really liked this girl I went to school with. She was cute, smart, she liked your books, she had a Tumblr, what wasn’t to like? I originally fell back on the old excuses of “oh, I’m too nervous,” “oh, I don’t want to make things awkward,” “how could i possibly tell her,” and so on. But then I thought of your advice and I taught myself to actually say what was on my mind. So, after texting her “there is a question i need to ask you tomorrow” as a way of keeping myself from chickening out, I asked her to homecoming in the hallway as we were walking to lunch. After some thought she said yes, and at the end of the dance, through much stammering (as when I met you, Mr. Green), I told her I liked her. I used my words. Because of you.
We went on our first date a couple weeks later and I used my words again to ask if I could kiss her (she said no, can’t win ‘em all), but now, three months later, we’re still together and I’m forever grateful that you gave Nerdfighteria your advice in that airport. Just know, John, that even if you’re not the one to make the phone call to ask someone to prom or propose marriage, you are a matchmaker, even if you are indirectly.
So if I ever meet you again, that’s what I’ll tell you. And hopefully I won’t stutter.